i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
That was before I lit my hair on fire
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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