wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
