literally had 100 drinks last night.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
