My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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