So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Ketchup is God's man juice
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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