This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
