just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
