How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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