Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
nutella sex= disaster
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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