The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
try to milk me bitch
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