Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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