she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
