You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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