Have you finally orgasmed yet?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
