Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
