You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
