Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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