Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
pray to the hookup gods
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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