yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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