do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
