her vagine was all disorganized.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
