My room smells like vodka and shame
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
