put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
