I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
