I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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