if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
