This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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