I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
