The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
