Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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