Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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