I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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