So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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