East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
