my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
