every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
