weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
