Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
