look no pants
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
