They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
