well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
