The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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