Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
