I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
