You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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