Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
