you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
