Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
