A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
