She is in my trunk
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
