Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
