we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
