Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
