ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
